Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
