Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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