i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
