I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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