Apparently you make a good broom.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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