Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
