Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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