Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
