So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize
