honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
