I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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