hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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