I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
