You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Non-Jews are for practice
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
