i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
