dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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