Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
