Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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