in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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