Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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