my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
