Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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