so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
