her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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