I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
