i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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