And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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