Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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