if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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