i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
