when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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