My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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