So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
