but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I AM VODKA MAN
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
