Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
