Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
