and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
