who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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