are you so shy because you have an std?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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