would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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