I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
