someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
