Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
