In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
