whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
