EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
