I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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