You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Say something about gay babies.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
