I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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