I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
