I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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