Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it hurts more in the daytime
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
