i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
