I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
