we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
