I cannot find my penis.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think my fart just growled at me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
