DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
