i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
