God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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